Blog written by Ania Grimone

Another shift. The final separation of a family torn apart by divorce is forcing me to evaluate the part I played in its demise. Another wave of grief born of loss, but also of responsibility. It is easy to blame another and find solace in anger, rage, disappointment, and self-righteous indignation.  But the truth is that I  was an active participant in the destruction of this dream. The pain of this realization takes my breath away as I crumble in shame and guilt and regret. The only thing remaining is to salvage the lesson, so something beautiful can be born from the ashes. The commitment to love. To not ever again take it for granted…

 

Leaky nests and teacups by Ania 

A life of toil,

To keep myself from the edge of the cliff

Posed by the internal ghost of self-loathing.

Self-absorbed in my own survival,

Obsessed with building a fort and impenetrable armor

Against the claws of the past, and finding myself blinded by the very thing I’ve conjured.

With walls intact obstructing my view, I let the love present seep into the ground,

Unnoticed.

As the color drained from the walls of my castle, so did the joy never realized.

Departed in sadness of promises broken, stunted by my own ignorance.

Forgive me, for I didn’t know better, for squandering the gift so freely presented,

By the grace of the gods and my own imagination.

As a lay on the floor in the puddle of my own grief, I feel the stirring of the Phoenix.

Ready to rise from the ashes and become an alchemist of redemption.

Conjuring love without rules.

Without apology.

Without armor. Without explanation. Without the past and without a future.

Greedy. Open. Expansive.

Never again to let love depart without offering it tea…

 

 

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